Tag Archives: jim morrison

Email from an Old Friend

Hello Fandimentals,

The Powers-That-Be – I’m always suspicious of their motives – are trying to coax me back on another western tour, this time even further than before…all the way to an island! To Vitrocia, Brotish Curlumpia where I have been promised an exclusive three-afternoon engagement at the If-You-Knew-Where-You-Were-This-Is-Where-You’d-Be Nursing Home in uptown snowy Vitrocia. The summer weather is so unpredictable there – one minute it’s sleet, the next minute it’s brimstone. WTF? Makes me rollick.

Elsewise, the other snag is the “Home” won’t let me do the big finale to my Leslie Gore tribute when I set my blond swoopy wig on fire during You Don’t Own Me because the sprinkler system might drown some residents.


Ida Wipes and her band, the Pure and Cleans (formerly the Mop and Glos until the lawsuit), have offered to back me up if I resurrect my one-man show where I play both Tom Jones and Jim Morrison comparing erections while they croon their hits condensed into 30 second sound bites and lip synced intentionally poorly as a left-handed compliment to the artists and their bulbous contributions to Public Hard-ons Throughout History. I haven’t found a venue in Van or anywhere in the BC, not even Whistler, that will touch it. Awww, go ahead, touch it. It’s fake anyways, touch it!

My third and final, at this time, option is the all-new, “completely-tasteless” as the poster says, Frank Sinatra GHB’d, Roofed Over by the Date Rape Drug. It’s really only one song but I won’t tell you which one, it would spoil the surprise, in fact, the whole show. Imagine how Frank might sound after he’d been hit hard on the side of the head three times with a forty-pound mallet. Disoriented, right? And then some…beyond entertainment, in fact. At my test shows in the rear basement of the Pembina Highway Winky Will Feel You Up (a new nationwide franchise where you can be anonymously molested in darkness for sixty bucks and up), audience hooting and Bic-lit napkin throwing indicated I needed to make substantial changes to the show, starting with Birch, the fluffer. “Can Frank be less like a zombie sometimes?” was the most asked question. So…I’m working up something completely different, all hush hush for now but you’ll be the first to know when “the bird takes flight.”

What else? I’ve been shitting rubies lately.

Gotta fly.


Read Shirty’s next email.

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour

Happy Deathday Jim Morrison

“Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven’s claws.” Doors lead singer and Old Soul Jim Morrison got his wings on this day in 1971. He was 27. Jim left us these thoughts to ponder today: “I am interested in anything about revolt, disorder, chaos, especially activity that seems to have no meaning.” and “Film spectators are quiet vampires.” and “I believe in a long, prolonged, derangement of the senses in order to obtain the unknown.” and “People fear death even more than pain. It’s strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend.” and “The appeal of cinema lies in the fear of death.” and “When you make your peace with authority, you become authority.” and “I see myself as a huge fiery comet, a shooting star. Everyone stops, points up and gasps “Oh look at that!” Then- whoosh, and I’m gone…and they’ll never see anything like it ever again… and they won’t be able to forget me – ever.” That seems to be going to plan so far, Jim. What’s with deathday?

Leave a comment

Filed under Deathday, Film, Momentous Day, Music, Old Souls

“Out Here, We Is Stoned! Immaculate!”

 Hi Kids,

      It has all fallen into place this time for my western tour. I will be performing nightly at the Kill and Swill Lounge in Ruby’s Meat and Greet Restaurantateria on West Hastings (where the trees are), of course doing my full Little Richard impression complete with fake penis. The fans love it!
      Actually that’s bullshit. I’ve been “contacted” by Little Richard and decided against continuing with his show. Instead I’ll be doing my one-man show called “Two Men” where I play both Buddy Holly and Kurt Cobain. There is no sex but some nudity, no music but some, um, humming.
     All wrong again. I’m having a fake tattoo of Rosy emblazoned on my chest for my Tribute to Dion when I tear open my shirt… The real Dion tried to strangle me one night. Apparently I’m that bad! Huh!
     See ya there.   

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour

Happy Birthday William S. Burroughs

WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS once said, “”A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what’s going on.” The Green Hotel takes you to Burroughs crossing generations.  He said, ” Happiness is a byproduct of function, purpose, and conflict; those who seek happiness for itself seek victory without war.” and “Nothing is true, everything is permitted.” and “Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.” Vegetable people. Bill was born today in 1914. Not dead/Dead since August 2, 1997

1 Comment

Filed under birthday, Momentous Day