Category Archives: Idiots

Revolvers – New Fiction

Reid Dickie

I love taking long baths.

Alone in the house, I decided on a bath. I made all the preparations, climbed in while filling – my favourite part – and gathered around me a hot soothing broth that would be my world for now.

I’m not a fussy bather. We’ve had large old claw-footed monsters with sloping backs that compliment the curve of my spine perfectly. Now we have a dated blue-coloured metal tub under a shower. Small and narrow, it’s a tub nonetheless. I lit a candle; pulled the shower curtain to create a tiny room and floated off into a warm watery reverie. My kind of evening.

Not two minutes into the soup, I heard a dull thud from downstairs at the back of our two-story house. Then another. I had locked the front door and knew the back was secure as well. A louder, longer thud came followed by the sound of the heavy patio door sliding open. I sat up in the tub and listened intensely. I heard stealthy footfalls and a mutter. Break-in.

As quietly as possible, I stood up in the tub and slid past the curtain. I dried my feet on the floor towel and wrapped the bath towel around my waist. I could hear the sound of brittle plastic clacking. They were after my CDs.

Bastards!

I cracked the bathroom door. The clacking grew louder.

With no phone on this floor I wondered what could become a quick weapon. Nothing came to mind. The heaviest thing on the floor was LPs. Why not, I thought.

I deeked into the nine by nine, grabbed a handful of LPs from the top shelf and carried them to the table at the head of the stairs. My towel fell off and I kicked it to the side. Naked I carried two more handfuls of LPs to the table. I had almost fifty LPs at the ready. The clacking continued the whole time. Just then, the cat came chatting down the hall toward me to investigate the commotion. I grabbed her, put her in the bathroom out of harm’s way and closed the door. The snapping of the door made the plastic clacking stop.

I heard someone say, “You get the rest. Hurry.”

Holding a stack of LPs, I peered over the railing. I saw someone step onto the first landing, looking up. He glanced away and I dropped the LPs. They mostly missed him but the corners grazed his cheek and disoriented him a bit.

“You son of a bitch,” he said coming up the stairs.

I grabbed a bigger handful of LPs and lifted them above my head. I saw a flash of metal in his hand. He was looking up at me; head tilted back swearing when I dropped them. Bull’s eye! The flat side of the records slammed into his upturned forehead. His head went back, I heard a snap and he tumbled backward down the seven steps he’d climbed amid a shower of LPs. Some of the vinyl escaped from the sleeves in mid air. He landed in a heap at the bottom of the stairs, limbs all akimbo, littered with LPs. A snub nose lay next to him.

I heard the accomplice say, “Nicky? Nicky? You okay?” in a semi-loud whisper. I saw a hand reach toward Nicky and give him a shake. I heard “Holy shit!” and the thump of a bag being dropped followed by the sound of a bumpy inelegant escape.

I leaned on the banister for support, my heart racing, breathing deep.

A few minutes later, I called the police.

I’d broken his neck. Killed him.

He was packing. Lucky for me. Self-defense. No charges.

Turns out Nicky was wanted for two gruesome home invasions. He’d bust down the door of one old man and gave him a heart attack. The other was an elderly woman in a wheelchair.

Police caught the accomplice twenty minutes later. His wallet had fallen out onto my living room floor.

My CDs and LPs were kept as evidence but I got the whole works back about three months later. There were twelve LPs in the first drop, weighing 8 lbs, twenty-one in the second, weighing 15 lbs. 33 records in all, 23 lbs total. All the heroic LPs involved are listed below. A few sustained injuries, noted with ^. There was one fatality, noted with ~.

The accomplice told police Nicky’s favourite song was “Stairway to Heaven.” Led Zeppelin IV was one of the LPs that killed him.

Everything is a circle.

THE TWELVE

Breakfast at Tiffany’s SDTK – Henry Mancini

Movies – Holger Czukay^

Fisherman’s Blues – Waterboys

Sea of Dreams – Nelson Riddle

Ptah the El Daoud – Alice Coltrane^

The Notorious Byrd Brothers – Byrds

All Aglow Again – Peggy Lee

Closing Time – Tom Waits

Greatest Hits – Wilson Pickett

No Pussyfooting – Fripp & Eno

Soldier of Love – Arthur Alexander

First – Jackson Browne^

THE TWENTY-ONE

IV – Led Zeppelin

West Meets East – Menuhin/Shankar

Silk Road – Kitaro^

Lonesome Echo – Jackie Gleason

Dear Friends – Firesign Theatre

Heartbeat – John Mills-Cockell

Relax With – Reveen

Rock Billy Boogie – Robert Gordon

The Red Bird Story – Various Artists

Time Out – Dave Brubeck Quartet^

Matching Tie & Handkerchief – Monty Python

The Golden Era – Bob Wills & his Texas Playboys

In Person Friday & Saturday Nights – Miles Davis

Ring-A-Ding – Frank Sinatra^

Floating into the Night – Julee Cruise

Rhythm of Resistance, Music of Black South Africa – Various Artists

Revolver – The Beatles~

Live Stiffs – Various Artists

Unrequited – Loudon Wainwright III

Music from a Sparking Planet – Esquivel^

Hawaii Goes A Go-Go – Martin Denny

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Coming Soon to a Canada Near You

c51

If Harper gets his way…

 Click the pic

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Vic Toews vs. The Truth

RE-POSTED IN LIGHT OF TODAY’S NEWS THAT TOEWS IS “LEAVING POLITICS” – A TRUE GOOD-RIDDANCE MOMENT THAT THE WHOLE COUNTRY IS CELEBRATING!

In Round Three we find Vic Toews wrestling with The Truth…as ever. Watch Vic shit the bed.

Click the pic and Vic will lie to you.

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The King of Canada Does Some Horsetrading

Last Tuesday Prime Minster Harper got off the helicopter in front of the Parliament Buildings carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared-away Mountie guard snapped to attention, saluted and said, “Nice pigs, sir.”

Harper replied: “These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Minister of Defense Peter MacKay and I got one for Minister of International Cooperation Bev Oda.”

The squared-away Mountie again snapped to attention, saluted and said, “Excellent trade, Sir…”

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Victoria, My Father and All of His Tobacco, They Loved You

Reid Dickie

Today is Victoria Day in Canada, a national holiday celebrating the life of Queen Victoria and her huge contribution to Canada! Okay…ummm.

To celebrate the occasion, in my heading I slightly reword Leonard Cohen for dramatic flare. Treason, you say? Now do you see the extremes we will go to celebrate Queen Vickie’s influence on our country? For the record the first line of Cohen’s Queen Victoria from his album Live Songs, released on April Fool’s Day, 1973,  is “Queen Victoria, My father and all his tobacco loved you.”

And here’s the rest of the lyrics:

“I love you too in all your forms, the slim and lovely virgin floating among German beer, the mean governess of the huge pink maps, the solitary mourner of a prince.
“Queen Victoria, I am cold and rainy, I am dirty as a glass roof in a train station, I feel like an empty cast iron exhibition, I want ornaments on everything, because my love, she gone with other boys.
“Queen Victoria, do you have a punishment under the white lace, will you be short with her, will you make her read those little Bibles, will you spank her with a mechanical corset. I want her pure as power, I want her skin slightly musty with petticoats will you wash the easy bidet out of her head?
“Queen Victoria, I’m not much nourished by modern love, will you come into my life with your sorrow and your black carriages, And your perfect memories.
“Queen Victoria, the Twentieth Century belongs to you and me. Let us be two severe giants not less lonely for our partnership, who discolour test tubes in the halls of Science, who turn up unwelcome at every World’s Fair, heavy with proverbs and corrections, confusing the star-dazed tourists with our incomparable sense of loss.” Hear Cohen sing his dirge. Sing along.

That’s the view of our dear Queen Vickie from a straight Montreal Jew. Now let’s check in with a young British bisexual from North London, Ray Davies of the Kinks, for his take on Queen-Vic-Wah with the lead-off track from the Kinks 1969 concept album, the very brackety Arthur (Or the Decline and Fall of the British Empire), called Victoria, a much less sombre ditty:

“Long ago life was clean. Sex was bad and obscene. And the rich were so mean. Stately homes for the Lords Croquet lawns, village greens Victoria was my queen Victoria, Victoria, Victoria, ‘toria
I was born, lucky me. In a land that I love. Though I am poor, I am free. When I grow I shall fight For this land I shall die Let her sun never set Victoria, Victoria, Victoria, ‘toria Victoria, Victoria, Victoria, toria
Land of hope and gloria Land of my Victoria Land of hope and gloria Land of my Victoria Victoria, ‘toria Victoria, Victoria, Victoria, ‘toria
Canada to India Australia to Cornwall Singapore to Hong Kong From the West to the East From the rich to the poor Victoria loved them all Victoria, Victoria, Victoria, ‘toria Victoria, Victoria, Victoria” Hear the Kinks sing it.

Rather than singing tributes to Miss Vickie, Canadians usually celebrate the first long weekend of the summer with beer, fireworks, the previously-mentioned mechanical corsets (available every summer weekend at the flea market in Watrous, SK) and blood rituals at sunset and sunrise.

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Deeds Done in the Darkest Hours

Reid Dickie

“It’s not the people who vote that count. It’s the people who count the votes.” – Joseph Stalin

“Fascism should more appropriately be called Corporatism because it is a merger of state and corporate power.” – Benito Mussolini 

How pathetic that I have to quote two monsters from the 20th century to frame the crimes against freedom and democracy currently unfolding in Canada. Hot on the heels of Spy Bills C-11 and C-30 comes Robogate or whatever you want to call the highly organized and concerted effort by the Reform-Conservatives to fix Canada’s 2011 election and get a majority government. 

Their tactics are familiar and have been used consistently in American elections to confound and confuse the electorate before and during election day. Here are four quick pages from the US Playbook for Political Scumbags that partly explain how the Ref-Cons did it in Canada:

  • In the weeks leading up to the election, thousands of people received calls from people claiming to be from the Liberal Party. The caller would be rude, call late at night, early in the morning or in the middle of the night, say outrageous things then hang up;
  • On election day, robocalls were made to thousands of Liberal and NDP households telling them their voting place had been changed, usually to somewhere an hour away with very bad parking. (The criminality is very refined and thorough);
  • On election day opposition voters were offered rides to their voting place but the rides never showed up; 
  • Also on election they used this form of sabotage, from a news report: 

 “When Robin Warren of Montreal showed up to vote on Monday, she said her name had been crossed off the voter list. She had to sign an affidavit swearing she had not voted already. While Warren was at the polling station, she said another woman who lives in the same apartment complex had an identical problem.

“On my way back home after we dealt with all this I ran into another group of ladies outside and all their names were crossed off the list, and they had to go through the same thing of signing affidavits. There’s something not right here. There’s too many people in one building,” Warren said. She called Elections Canada to complain but she said the elections agency called the situation an irregularity.”

Wake up Canada! This isn’t “dirty tricks.” That’s mainstream media doublespeak intended to downplay the significance of, what one of my friends calls, treason. Other MSM terms for this include “prank” “hoax” and “mischief.” In Harper’s Canada, treason is now described as “mischief.” Is that the Canada you live in? 

Here are some numbers for your consideration:

  • So far, 43 ridings (see list below) from coast to coast where robocalls were used have been identified;
  • The Ref-Cons won 29 of the 43 seats;
  • Six of those ridings were won by less than 1000 votes, three of them by less than 500 votes, two by less than 30 votes;
  • The Ref-Con majority in the House of Commons is just 10 seats;
  • 100,000s of illegal robocalls were made to Canadians before and during election day;
  • Two firms (Racknine in Edmonton, Responsive Marketing Group [RMG] in Thunder Bay) connected to the Ref-Cons have been identified as sources of some of the calls.

There is much much more information about this to emerge but based on what we know so far, is there a smoking gun directly linking Harper and the Ref-Cons to these crimes? You decide. In the National Post’s first story they included this paragraph about election day events at Elections Canada:

Internal Elections Canada emails obtained under Access to Information legislation show officials were rattled by the calls. At 11:06 a.m., election officer Anita Hawdur sent an email to legal counsel Karen McNeil with the header: “URGENT Conservative campaign office communications with electors.” Hawdur reported that returning officers were calling to ask about the calls. McNeil responded by asking Hawdur to alert Rennie Molnar, the deputy chief electoral officer. He later emailed Michel Roussel, a senior director: “This one is far more serious. They have actually disrupted the voting process.”

This links Conservative campaign office in the header with intentional disruption of democracy. Interesting wording: “This one is far more…” as if there were other crimes. How much did Elections Canada really know?

This week, one of the call centre workers at RMG blew the whistle by publicly saying that on election day her work was making calls on behalf of the Ref-Cons to intentionally misdirect voters away from their proper polling place. I admire the bravery of whistleblowers and hope she can preserve her anonymity and suffer no consequences. I pray for her. 

An unsettling news item turned up today. Some of the calls were made from a call centre in North Dakota! Oh, Canada.

Since both the RCMP and Elections Canada (its head is appointed by the prime minister) are under Harper’s thumb, their already-compromised “investigations” won’t likely turn up anything of substance, just more smoke and mirrors.

What you can do!

Since the MSM is falling down in its job again, it’s up to the online community to react appropriately. Let the politicans know you are ticked. Leadnow.ca has an online petition that is sent to Harper, other party leaders and your MP. Almost 30,000 Canadians have already signed it in the past few days. Find the petition at http://www.leadnow.ca/en/index

Inform your friends and family. Talk to them, email them, text them, post information and/or links on Facebook and Twitter. Make sure they understand the dire times we are living in and what’s required of them and everyone to preserve our freedom and democracy.

These are the 43 ridings that have been identified as targets of the Ref-Cons anti-democratic tactics. Cui bono – who benefits? The Ref-Cons won 29 of these ridings. If you live in one of these ridings, your Ref-Con member may not be legitimate. The ridings in bold are Ref-Con seats won by fewer than 1000 votes:

  • Sydney-Victoria (NS)
  • South Shore-St Margaret’s (NS)
  • Egmont (PE)
  • Mount Royal (PQ)
  • Davenport (ON)
  • Guelph (ON)
  • Hamilton East-Stoney Creek (ON)
  • Eglinton-Lawrence (ON)
  • Etobicoke Centre (ON)
  • Essex (ON)
  • Cambridge (ON)
  • Haldimand-Norfolk (ON)
  • Kitchener-Conestoga (ON)
  • Kitchener-Waterloo (ON)
  • Kingston & the Islands (ON)
  • London North Centre (ON)
  • London West (ON)
  • Mississauga East-Cooksville (ON)
  • Niagara Falls (ON)
  • Nipissing-Timiskaming (ON)
  • Oakville (ON)
  • Ottawa Centre (ON)
  • Ottawa-Orleans (ON)
  • Ottawa West-Nepean (ON)
  • Parkdale-High Park (ON)
  • Perth – Wellington (ON)
  • Peterborough (ON)
  • Simcoe-Grey (ON)
  • St. Catharines (ON)
  • St Paul’s (ON)
  • Sudbury (ON)
  • Thunder Bay – Superior North (ON)
  • Wellington – Halton Hills (ON)
  • Willowdale (ON)
  • Windsor Tecumseh (ON)
  • Saint Boniface (MB)
  • Winnipeg South Centre (MB)
  • Elmwood – Transcona (MB)
  • Winnipeg South (MB)
  • Wascana (SK)
  • Edmonton Centre (AB)
  • Edmonton East (AB)
  • Saanich-Gulf islands (BC)

Write to your MP personally. I highly recommend this especially to Ref-Con MPs elected by fewer than 1000 votes. Cut and paste email addresses for all MPs are at http://sandrafinley.ca/?p=3297 Oh, what the hell, email it to every MP.

Put your imagination to work and come up with other inventive forms of protest against the creeping fascism of the Ref-Cons.

For inspiration, I leave you with two things to ponder.

First, this quote from Ref-Con PM Stephen Harper: “Human rights commissions, as they are evolving, are an attack on our fundamental freedoms and the basic existence of a democratic society. It is in fact totalitarianism. I find this is very scary stuff.” Pot, kettle, black. 

And the lyrics to an Elvis Costello song called Night Rally that details a typical evening in a country with a fascist government:

Night Rally

Elvis Costello 1978 British version of This Year’s Model 

I would send out for assistance but there’s someone on the signal wire
And the corporation logo is flashing on and off in the sky
They’re putting all your names in the forbidden book
I know what they’re doing but I don’t want to look
You think they’re so dumb, you think they’re so funny
Wait until they’ve got you running to the
Night rally, night rally, night rally

Everybody’s singing with their hand on their heart
About deeds done in the darkest hours
That’s just the sort of catchy little melody
To get you singing in the showers

Oh, I know that I’m ungrateful
I’ve got it lying on a plate
And I’m not buying my share of souvenirs
You can stand to attention
You can pray to your uncle
Only get that chicken out of here
Everyone gets armbands and 3-D glasses
Some are in the back room
And they’re taking those night classes

You think they’re so dumb, you think they’re so funny
Wait until they’ve got you running to the
Night rally, night rally, night rally

Hear Elvis sing it.

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Hitler reacts to online privacy backlash

Canadians – you need to watch this…

 

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Wake Up Canada! Big Brother is coming to a front door near you

Reid Dickie

Sinister, secretive, untrustworthy, tyrannical, compromised by a foreign country, indebted to their corporate masters and unsullied by conscience, the Ref-Con (Reform-Conservative) regime currently ruling Canada is a dog’s breakfast of right-wing extremists, religious fundamentalists, greedhead capitalists, stunted idealogues and just plain dummies, not unlike a lot of alleged democracies these days. Similarly, this government is trying to make it legal to spy on every Canadian who has a computer and/or a cellphone without a warrant. Spy Bill C-30 stinks of Nazi Germany, Soviet Russia and Communist China and the massive negative reaction to it by hundreds of thousands of Canadians is appropriate.

Canada’s Public Safety Minister Vic Toews, a long-standing windbag, sponsored this paranoid piece of “legislation.” Subsequently and deservedly, Toews has had his dirty laundry paraded before the public when the sordid details of his acrimonious divorce were published on a Twitter account. Although already public knowledge, the revealing details caused poor Vic such great despair and indignity that he got all victimy and launched an “investigation.” What a hoot! (Memo to Toews: if you can’t stand the heat, don’t light the fire. Plus, you make a lousy victim!)

Because language is a virus from outer space, every bill introduced in Canada has two names, a long and short name. Bill C-30’s long name is An Act to enact the Investigating and Preventing Criminal Electronic Communications Act and to amend the Criminal Code and other Acts. Its short name, the mainstream media name, is Protecting Children from Internet Predators Act. That’s different. Read the text of odious Bill C-30 here. Be brave.

Just so you know who has their hand up Toews’ back and wrote the script for him, on November 5, 1997, a bill was introduced into the U. S. House of Representatives. Its short title was H.R.2815 — Protecting Children From Internet Predators Act. 

Booga! Booga! Taking another page from the U. S. Neo-Con playbook, Toews thought he could fearmonger Canadians into ceding more of our rights and freedoms by invoking child pornographers as the boogeyman. Explaining the simple options to Canadians, Toews said, “either stand with us or with the child pornographers”  – fearmongering at its most amateurish.

Today Toews has backpedaled about three country miles from that because Canadians didn’t fall for it. Instead we started to share all our mundane personal information with Toews that we thought he needed to know. On his Twitter account #TellVicEverything and in emails to parliament, ordinary Canadians began confessing their sins to Deity Toews. Like? Like parking closer to one yellow line than the other in the mall parking lot, cleaning up cat puke and waiting for more, just checked – I’m still not a child predator and asking for a copy of an email accidentally erased. You get the picture. Thousands responded! Call it satire, zen, karma, justice, Canadian humour, eh. Consequently, the true nature of a foolish man with a little bit of power was appropriately revealed to the world, a deflated balloon, a sad buffoon.

Bonus: Because social media and bloggers drove and dominated events, the mainstream media went into a tailspin. Canadians weren’t buying their brand of bullshit. Editorials and pundits ranted about how the bill makes the internet safer for everyone, blah, blah, blah but it didn’t seem to work. The MSM are failing to convince more often now but don’t tell them yet. In spite of declining readership and viewership, they’ll be the last to know how truly irrelevant they have become. 

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“Old Age Security sustainable” says budget watchdog

There’s a headline The Harper Corporation won’t like. Get out your kevlar undies, Mr. Watchdog. This whole “issue” could just be a test bubble, a red herring, a mere diversion from some Big Evil that Harper has planned for the budget. As Terence McKenna said, “We are governed by the least among us.”

Here’s a joke from a CBC comments page on the story.

Stephen Harper and a Chinese oil executive walk into a classy Ottawa bar. They bump into a 67 year old woman sweeping the floor. “Reminds me of the Monty Python “The Meaning of Life” movie, the businessman remarks. Steve looks puzzled. They stride up to the bar and order one Shirley Temple and a 25 year old Scotch single malt. The bar keeper makes up the drinks, places them in front of Harper and the business man and asks, “Who is paying for these drinks?” The Chinese business man points to Harper and says, “He is.” Harper points over his shoulder to the senior sweeping the floor and smiles, “She is.”

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Things Stephen Harper Does to Seem Human

Posing with his wife and a cow and, yet again, trying out his famous attempted smile, this is only one example of the hundreds of awkward pictures of the soulless cyborg stooge who “governs” Canada for his corporate masters on a website called Things Stephen Harper Does to Seem Human. The rest of this embarrassing stuff is at http://thingsharperdoestoseemhuman.tumblr.com/

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WAR IS A RACKET!

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Glacier Calving, People Floating

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Vancouver Hockey Riots

The Black Rod has posted an excellent analysis of the consequences of last week’s riots in Vancouver.

http://blackrod.blogspot.com/2011/06/vancouver-rioters-lassoed-by-internet.html

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