She watched the fuzzy dice sway gently back and forth from the rearview as the Chiffons sang “He’s So Fine.” He was large and hot, increased his pace inside her, did a few dick tricks and groaned. She told him to bark like a dog and he always did which made her even hotter and hornier. His face and shoulders were getting red. He was just about to come when…
It’s impossible to visit as many heritage and sacred sites as I do and not notice that some of them are used frequently as lover’s lanes. Very often these places are secluded on little-traveled gravel roads that some locals and a few tourists know about. Often they are remote and utterly dark at night. A common clue are the worn tire tracks through the grass indicating the basic biological imperative can be satisfied just about anywhere.
Though the hazy distance of 45 years separates me from my last experience of having sex in a vehicle, I understand the urge, the need, the excitement, the lonely but safe darkness wrapped around your sexual cocoon, your car or truck.
Speaking of safes (when was the last time, if ever, you heard a condom called a safe?), the obvious clue to an area’s sexual usage are the bright flowers that turn out to be condoms blooming in the tall grass, often accompanied by their wrapper.
Walking trails through the bush attract mating couples, especially in spring. Besides the warning grunts of a bear, the only other uptrail sound that immediately turns me back are the amorous cries of rutting humans trysting among the timbers. While the visual doesn’t appeal to me, the way their groans and shrieks are enfolded into the sounds of the forest makes the sex seem at home, traditional, sacred. When you get right down to it, fucking in the forest is as old as God.
I won’t mention all the locations where I’ve seen evidence of love nests but I did interrupt a nooner this summer at St. Albans, the Criddle/Vane Homestead just south of Shilo. My apologies, folks. And to the guy getting the BJ on the hood of his car deep in the Marsh Lake oxbow, sorry buddy!